Trouble and problems all over, searching for the reasons in the past, maybe even in your traumatic childhood, finding lots of explanations for your trouble - and still nothing changes?
Try something else:
Turn around, away from the trouble, and look one step ahead: What will it be like, when you have overcome all these current problems? How will you feel and what will you do? Spend more time (a lot of time!) with what you want, instead of finding all the reasons why you currently don't have it. Easy, isn't it?
And it really works. If you find it hard to even imagine yourself without the current problem, let someone help you. Ideally not with suggestions of their own, but with simple questions, that don't interfere with your own inner world. Starting with: What would you like to have happen?
If you want to explore your desired future and the way you can get to it, I am happy to support you.